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so i found this dead body down by the river
it kind of scared me
cuz death is scary and reminds us
that we too are mortal
and also he was naked
i figured it would be mean just to leave him there
all cold and wet and everything
but i wasn't about to carry a dead wet naked guy
so i wrapped him in a tire
and off we went
my mom wasn't too happy
how many times do i have to tell you?
she said
no muddy shoes on the carpet!
she thought the dead guy was ok though
he didn't have muddy shoes
i asked her what i should do with him
i was thinking maybe he would make
a good decoration
if we put a throw-rug over him
and propped him up next to the lamp
but mom said no way absolutely not
dead guys need to be taken to the police
and besides he'd clash with the sofa
i took him to the police station
but they didn't want him
they said they already had enough
dead bodies to deal with
and who was i to go giving them more
things to do
i asked what i should do with him
they said they didn't care
just get him away from the coke machine
and put some clothes on him for christ's sake
that tire just wasn't modest
i took him home
and dressed him up in a nice mauve sweater
not too formal
but still nice and warm
i know some people don't like mauve
but he seemed ok with it
and besides the only other shirt i had was plaid
and i just wasn't going to go there
i asked my mom if I could keep him
and she said ok
as long as i promised to play with him
and feed him twice a day
i asked what did dead guys eat?
she said lentils
i said i promised
but i had my fingers crossed
my sister said if he was like a pet
i should walk him
but i don't like to walk
so i stuffed him in my jeep
he was a good driving companion
i had to buckle his seat belt for him though
some people just have no respect for safety
didn't say much, but he didn't complain
about my music
even though it was kenny g
and I got to use the carpool lane
but after we drove around for quite a while
i thought he might be getting lonely
and wanting to get back to the river
but I remembered the old saying
about how you can't return a dead guy
once you've handled him
so instead i dropped him off at the mall
i know he must've been happy
because dead guys get a discount at the gap
but i kind of miss him anyway
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