News - Year In Review - 11/30/13
Meant to post this last month, but, well... got lazy.

Some great, weird, funny news bites happened in 2013. Some highlights:
  • Justin Bieber got into trouble for drunkenly peeing into a mop bucket on his way out of a New York City restaurant. He got a lot of negative press, and an F from the R. Kelly school of peeing on things.

  • Speaking of New York City, Big Apple resident Alex “Tracks” McFarland reported that he earned $55,000 last year peddling candy and other snacks on the subway. His leading money-earners: Methy Ways, Pot-Tarts, and Bit-O-Heroin).

  • Researchers in Scottland developed a computer program that writes sexist punchlines. Well, not purposely sexist - they actually wrote the program to follow a simple combination rule to create "jokes", like:
    “I like my coffee like I like my war … cold”
    “I like my fish like I like my text… raw”

    But soon, the program began delving into less PC, misogynist lines:
    “I like my women like I like my cameras… ready to flash.”
    “I like my men like I like my court… superior.”

    It won't be long before it starts trolling its base, binary bits into even more base territory:

    Hopefully, the joke writing computer will end up where all Scottish things that aren't that funny end up: CBS.

  • And Chef Keizo Shimamoto invented the newest combo-food in the Cronut fad: the Ramen Burger. Yup, it's a meat patty stuffed between to soggy ramen bricks. The food has been a hipster hit in Brooklyn, but Shimamoto has been in legal battles that he stole the recipe from its original inventor: some drunk college kid.

  • Finally, in the year of ever-more-dominant social media, a SOCIAL MEDIA QUIZLET! How many can you get right?
Q1: Which of the following subjects does NOT have a Facebook Fan Page?
A. Men in Kilts
B. Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love
C. When I Was Younger, I Put My Face Close To The Fan To Hear My Robot Voice
D. Never Pee Into The Wind

Q2: Complete the following George Clooney quote about how much he dislikes Facebook:
“I would rather ________________ than have a Facebook page.”

A. “crawl out of a porto-potty that had been tipped over on its door”
B. “have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands” (at the Toronto Film Festival)
C. “star in a YouTube video of me eating an gallon tub of spam”
D. “star in “Batman and Robin” again”

Q3: Ke$ha’s latest Instagram upload shows her experimenting with which of the following?
A. Glitter
B. Medicinal Marijuana
C. A Chemistry Set
D. Profound Lyrics

Q4: Which of the following misspellings of Khloe Kardashian’s name is an actual Twitter account?
A. @ChloeKardashian
B. @ChloeCardashian
C. @ShloeShlardashian
D. @TalentlessTrollop

Q5: Which self-depreciating “looks like” Pinterest Pinboard is actually hosted by the celebrity in question?
A. Katie Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel
B. Hobos That Look Like Zach Galifianakis
C. Pets That Look Like Anderson Cooper
D. Aliens That Look Like Scotty Pippen

Answers: D (for the others, click here, here and here), B, A, B, and C.



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