Kasey the Baby-Stealer - 4/4/13
I had this dream last night that my fiancee Kasey was stealing babies.

Not because she was trying to spite someone or because she was the kingpin of some kind of orphan-smuggling racket (the obvious conclusion), but because she needed some extra cash to buy some new jeans at J Crew.

I guess in my dream she didn't have a good job with 401K benefits.

"Yo," Dream Kasey would say, as she knocked on random doors in Venice. "I got these babies. How much you gonna gimme?"

I guess she was real gangster in my dream, too.

Anyway, in the dream she'd successfully stolen and sold three babies, no problem, and was enjoying a few new pairs of Levi's dark wash, when we (I guess I was involved too, though I wouldn't buy jeans. Maybe a new DVD player) met this other girl who wanted in on the scheme. But not small-time, like we were.

"Yo," said this other girl. "I got REAL money problems, three babies ain't gonna cut it. I need FIVE."

And so she snuck into a hospital and snatched a set of quintuplets that apparently was laying in the new baby room, apparently unguarded.

At this point, Kasey and I wanted out. But we still had this gang of babies and this baby-stealing stranger, holing up in our apartment. And apparently neither Kasey nor this other girl knew what to feed them, while we waited for a buyer.

"What do we feed 'em?" Kasey asked me. "Should I just go to Ralph's and get 'em some Sprite?"

I'm not sure what this all says about my upcoming marriage and subsequent family... but I'm pretty sure what it says about my weird, weird imagination ain't good.



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