BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp - 3/8/10
An Open Letter To John Madden

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paul@paulspond.com]
Sent: Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010 10:13 AM
To: maddenasst@ea.com
Subject: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Mr. Madden,

How's it going? I'm a longtime fan, both of your announcing and of your video games (I own Madden '04 all the way up through '10). I'm too young to have been around when you were playing, but I trust that was spectacular as well:)

Hope you're enjoying your retirement, and wanted to write you about an idea I had. Not to underplay all your other achievements, but I truly believe that the greatest thing you've ever done was to invent the Turducken. You know, the Turkey-stuffed-with-Duck-stuffed-with-Chicken you cooked up for Thanksgiving a couple years ago. I'm a big meat fan myself, and am a particular fan of seafood, and I thought I would toss you an idea that would allow you to take the genius of the Turduken to a whole new level. A whole new many levels, in fact.

I give you... BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp:


Yes, it's just what it looks like. A Blue-Whale-stuffed-with-a-Killer-Whale-stuffed-with-a-Great-White-Shark-stuffed-with-a-Marlin-stuffed-with-a-Halibut-stuffed-with-a-Tuna-stuffed-with-a-Trout-stuffed-with-a-Salmon-stuffed-with-a-Lobster-stuffed-with-a-Shrimp. In case you can't make out the inner layers very well, I've made an insert:


It's the ultimate evolution in food-stuffed-with-other-food. And I want you to have it, and make it big - I just want credit. I'm just a nobody, and don't have the celebrity status to make this idea reach the greatness it deserves. I think you'll agree with me, John, when I say that you're the perfect man for the job.

Thanks!

Paul Spond
paul@paulspond.com
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Janson, Richard [mailto:maddenasst@ea.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010 2:47 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Re: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Mr. Spond,

Thank you for your enthusiastic letter. As you know, Mr. Madden retired a year ago, and never was actually employed by EA Sports in the first place - we simply license his name and voice for our video games. So this isn't the best address to reach him - the address just references the title of the game, not the actual John Madden. Perhaps you can find a mailing address on a fan site, or perhaps via his agents, though I'm not sure they'd be the best people to contact, given the nature of your request.

Regards,

Rick Janson
PR Desk Assistant
EA Sports
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paul@paulspond.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 6, 2010 3:47 PM
To: maddenasst@ea.com
Subject: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Richard,

Thanks for writing back! How exciting that we're both huge John Madden fans! It's a pleasure to meet you.

So it sounds like John isn't around the office as much anymore, but maybe you could forward my email on to him? I'm sure you guys have a solid relationship, what with him spending so much at the office recording voice-overs for the game. If it helps, tell him that we're both from Minnesota (I grew up in Minneapolis and John's from Austin, where I once played a baseball tournament)! I tried to figure out where John and his wife Virginia's house is, but there are a lot of Maddens in the phonebook.

Let me know what he says!

Thanks!

Paul Spond
paul@paulspond.com
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Janson, Richard [mailto:maddenasst@ea.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010 2:47 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Re: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Mr. Spond,

I've actually never met John Madden; EA is a big company, I've only been here six months, and Mr. Madden doesn't need to come into any of our actual offices when he (very occasionally) needs to record new voice bits. I'm afraid I don't have access to his email address.

I'm can't tell for sure whether or not you're joking, but you probably shouldn't go to John Madden's home.

Regards

Rick Janson
PR Desk Assistant
EA Sports
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paul@paulspond.com]
Sent: Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010 10:13 AM
To: maddenasst@ea.com
Subject: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Rick,

I promise, the BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp is most certainly not a joke. In fact I've already begun assembling it: the shrimp, lobster and salmon were not difficult to find at my local supermarket. The whole tuna fish, trout, and halibut are a little harder to find, but I have some calls in to area seafood restaurants and am optimistic. It's the larger fish I need John's help with.

I realize Mr. Madden is very busy (though maybe less so since his retirement), and I of course would want to respect his privacy and stick to email and phone, if you think it's best. Perhaps you can give him a call, then, if you don't have his email? I assure you, the BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp is definitely something John Madden will want to be a part of.

Thanks!

Paul Spond
paul@paulspond.com
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Janson, Richard [mailto:maddenasst@ea.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010 2:47 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Re: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

As I've stated, I don't have any of John Madden's contact info, much less his home phone number. Also, as I can see now that you're actually serious about this absurd idea, I'll respond in kind and point out that Killer Whales are protected species, Blue Whales are enormous, and that you can't fit a trout inside a tuna fish! In fact, the logic of your entire premise is flawed: the idea of the Turducken was that it was three foods that people actually eat. Nobody eats Killer Whales.

Sorry I can't help you.

Rick Janson
PR Desk Assistant
EA Sports
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paul@paulspond.com]
Sent: Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010 10:13 AM
To: maddenasst@ea.com
Subject: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Ricky,

I'm afraid you're incorrect - the Makah people of the Pacific Northwest eat killer whales (orcas). And you're mistaken about the sizes of tuna fish and trout: tuna fish have an average size of 30 pounds, much larger than the 10 pound average size of a trout.

Please pass along John Madden's cell phone number or fax number I can be in touch myself about this tremendous opportunity.

Thanks!

Paul Spond
paul@paulspond.com
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Janson, Richard [mailto:maddenasst@ea.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010 2:47 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Re: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Just because a trout weighs 10 pounds and a tuna weights 30 pounds doesn't mean you could fit one inside the other. I weight 180 pounds, but that doesn't mean I could fit a 60-pound child inside of me.

Rick Janson
PR Desk Assistant
EA Sports
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paul@paulspond.com]
Sent: Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010 10:13 AM
To: maddenasst@ea.com
Subject: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Dick,

Fish much more flexible than humans. I'll have you know that a small trout does indeed fit inside a large tuna - I had to use a pliers and some rope to get him in there, but he fits. Please have John Madden subscribe to my Twitter feed, and I can contact him that way about helping me get access to a Blue Whale.

Also, if you're suggesting we add humans-stuffed-inside-other-humans to the BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp, I don't find that to be appropriate, and neither would John.

Thanks!

Paul Spond
paul@paulspond.com
>>>




<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Janson, Richard [mailto:maddenasst@ea.com]
Sent: Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010 2:47 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Re: BluKillWhiteMarlIbuTunaTroutSaLobsteRimp

Dear Mr. Spond,

Please don't ever write here again.

Regards,

Rick Janson
PR Desk Assistant
EA Sports
>>>






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