Fucking Door - 5/15/05
Back in the fall, Brian and I smashed a hole in our front door with a couch. It wasn't a security risk or anything, just an eyesore, so it took us until a couple weeks ago to get around to having it fixed.

Now the door is worse. No, check that: it fucking sucks.

The guys who replaced our door put the knob way, way to close to the edge of the door. So now there's no way to open the front door without totally scraping the shit out of your knuckles on the door frame.

It's really annoying. And it really, really hurts. Everyone has done it - the roommates, our friends, the goddamn UPS guy, everyone. Now anyone who comes over has about .5 seconds of greeting before a shock-wave of pain hits their brain from a millimeter of skin being scraped off their hand. It's like "(enters) Hey guys, how's it-FUCK!!!!"

Those of us who live here have resigned ourselves to carefully twisting the knob open with our fingertips and then kicking the door with a foot (hopefully thereby increasing the chances of breaking the door again and getting a new one), or just leaving it open all the time.

We called our management company the problem, but the semi-retarded lady in charge of maintenance said that our new door is actually a good thing, because now it's sealed from the elements, which is clearly necessary in our harsh Southern California climate. She also said that our new door would improve, over time.

"It is new door... when it is sometimes new doors, never used before, it is hard, the wood is hard. I know the wood is hard, but when it installed, that is how it sometimes at first, it will get better, that's what he told me."

Perhaps I have a limited knowledge of alchemy, but I'm pretty sure wooden doors don't soften up. Even if they did, then we'd just have a mooshy-ass door that's likely to get another hole busted in it and still scrapes the living fuck out of your knuckles when you push it past the still-hard door frame.

That's all I have to say about that.



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