Last Idaho Post - 8/10/05
So next to Rupert is a town called Paul, the reason behind the following sign, which simultaneously makes me laugh and feel very, very uncomfortable.

At least I'm almost up to a G.

Naturally, I wanted to get a shirt from Paul, just as my brother wanted to get a shirt from the city next door for his friend Rupert. I guess our hope was that Rupert and I could hang out wearing our shirts and be the biggest retards ever. So on our last morning in town, we headed to downtown Rupert, since it's five times bigger than Paul, in hopes of finding a store.

An hour wild-goose-chase lead us from the Tots 'N Teens store to King's Variety Store to a store simply called Book Store, and finally to Ally's Furniture, which was right next to Tots 'N Teens. Nobody seemed to have any shirts, and nobody seemed to be able to figure out why we wanted them so bad. Nobody could even seem to grasp the fact that we were in Rupert but didn't live there.

ME: Hey, we're not from around here, we were wondering if you knew where we could find shirts that say 'Rupert' on them.
GUY: Hm, maybe the Chamber of Commerce. You know where that is?
ME: No… we're not from around here.
GUY: Oh. Well you know where City Hall is?
ME: No…
GUY: It's right where Sweeney's used to be.
ME: Um…
MARK: Wait, wouldn't the Chamber of Commerce be closed on Sunday?
GUY: Oh, yeah. See, you know this town!

The truth: Rupert is actually so small that it doesn't even have tourism. Have you ever heard of anything so sad? And so we departed, empty-handed, but full-stomached from a breakfast of Perkins' Tremendous Twelve. POINTLESS TANGENT: how did they decide on exactly twelve pancakes, anyway? That's more than most people can eat, but not so many that it becomes like a challenge. Is it because of the alliteration? In that case, a little thesaurus work could have just as easily yielded the Enormous Eight, the Fantastic Fourteen, or the Superlative Sixty-Seven. END POINTLESS TANGENT.

We loaded up the car to head back to Salt Lake City; my brother had rented a fully-loaded Chrysler Pacifica, but sadly we had to take my fully-stripped-down Honda Civic and leave the nice car for my parents. At least we didn't have to take the Humvee my aunt had rented.

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