The other day I came to a strange realization. You know how September, October, November and December are all mostly the same words except for the Sept, Oct, Nov and Dec prefixes? Well, these prefixes are the same as the Latin roots for the words Seven, Eight, Nine and Ten. Coincidence? Methinks not.
Turns out we stole at least the last four of our months from the Latin calendar. But wait a minute. Isn't December the twelfth month? That's the part I don't get. I guess the old Latin calendar only had ten months, but then why didn't we assign these names to the corresponding months 7-10, currently July through October, and then name the 11th and 12th months something else? And why are January and February so similar, but different from these others? Did we steal these from somebody else's calendar then get bored after two months and start making up our own?
Then I started thinking, why is it only September-December we ripped off from Latin? I mean, we already stole four, we might as well keep going, all the way back to Monember, Diember, Tritober, Quad-tember, etc. Quad-tember is clearly a way cooler name than April. Of course, then people with name April would have to be renamed Quad-tember. The only person I know named April really likes her name, and would probably be very disappointed by this. I've heard she also likes the months the way they are.
But progress is inevitable. America is finally starting the give on the metric system, and clearly having a nice, orderly month system as well would be a lot better than the random one we have now. Maybe in a few years, we'll have it figured out. Maybe Halloween will rightly take place in December, and Independence Day will be the Fourth of September. Maybe Los Angeles will be subject to Hextober Gloom, and those south of the border can celebrate Cinqo de Cinq-tember. What a glorious day that will be.
Quad-tember is going to be so disappointed.