OK, it's rant day on Paul's pond. I have a few things I have to get out of my system before I go back to writing nice posts. And so, without further ado…
3 Things That I Currently Loathe:
1) People who stop and gawk in traffic.
It's unfortunate that somebody has a flat tire, isn't it? Know what's even more unfortunate? The two-mile traffic jam you've just caused, because you've never seen a tow-truck before. Yes, we all have to slow down and merge if the accident is serious and is blocking lanes. But most accidents aren't. Most accidents are two people rear-ending each other, or somebody being pulled over for speeding. Five seconds as you drive by should be more than enough time to survey the damage caused by 99% of all traffic accidents. There had better be brains on the fucking concrete for the way you stop and fog up your window with your idiot gawker breath. But I supposed looking out the window and driving at the same time is too hard for you, isn't it? Instead, you have to slam on your breaks and stare for two minutes. Just don't stop for too long, because I'm on my way walking up from my parked car to slap you. Traffic is bad enough already. LA is a traffic tinderbox, just waiting for a fucktard like you to spark it into an inferno of gridlock.
2) Phones that cut you off after 20 seconds and ask you if you're satisfied with your message.
How the fuck do I know if I'm satisfied with my message? I didn't even get a chance to finish it. I don't even know if you recorded it. And oh yeah, that's right, and you cut me off in the middle of it, so no, I guess I'm not satisfied with my message, am I? How the fuck could I possibly be satisfied with a message I couldn't leave because you, phone, cut me off, and what other options could you possibly give me to make me not want to slam you repeatedly against the dashboard of my car? I don't even understand the point of this message kicking in automatically. Did I sound like I was done? Can you not hear me? If you couldn't hear me, why didn't you cut me off right at the beginning so at least I didn't waste 20 seconds of my goddamn time? So I wait for the option that says "delete old message (if there even was an old fucking message) and then proceed, tentative and thrown-off, to leave the exact same message over again, in constant suspense about whether or not you'll cut me off this time. And if you do… Wow. No silky-voiced robot-lady in the world can save you from the wrath you incur in that case, phone. I have broken the screens of at least two phones in this manner.
3) Del Taco