Superbowl 5K - A Hilarious Exercise in Race-ism - Part 1 - 2/6/06
**CAUTION: This post contains humor which some might consider "racist" perhaps because we are, as it turns out, what some might consider "racists". **

I'm also going to do this in three parts, since there's just so much material here.

PART 1 - The Race
Sunday was the annual Redondo Beach Superbowl 5K, an event which is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do in LA. On this joyous occasion, people run, walk and inline-skate their way along a scenic 3-mile course and then proceed to the Asahi Beer Garden and consume eight times as many calories as they just burned.

Certain wacky groups, such as the Smurf Team (1st place) and the Super Hero Team (2nd place) run in themed costumes, and it was this feat we were determined to pull off in our second (of hopefully many more) race.

We found our concept after scrapping other ideas such as a bunch of a tuna caught in a net, a tug of war, a shish-kebob, (turns out giant foam piece-of-meat costumes are pretty hard to find), and an electron transport chain during photosynthesis (yet another sign I've been doing too much tutoring). Our costume was "The American Border", which consisted of the Mexican-American border, an immigrant trying to sneak across it, and a border patrol officer chasing the immigrant. Offensive? Probably. Hilarious? Most definitely.

From left: Revan, Kolleen, me, Vanessa, Eric, Gabe. Oh, that wiley Kolleen, always trying to sneak into America and steal our jobs. I like that I look like I'm about to punch her in the face.

I believe it was Kolleen's idea originally (or a friend of Kolleen's - either way, it was obviously thought up when we were all drunk), and her stipulation was that "I want to do it, as long as I don't have to be the Mexican." So of course she ended up being the Mexican. Revan was the (border patrol) security guard, and the rest of us were some variation of red, white and blue people who were supposed to carry the border or run along side it. In bizarre manifestations of this theme, Eric was wearing a blue Dodgers wig, Vanessa had some kind of 80's hair-band do, and I was draped in an American flag. I was also wearing a Viking helmet, which no one really understood.

So we ran, finishing somewhere between the time it takes to bake a turkey and the time it takes Pluto to orbit the Sun. Here's us pausing to celebrate the completion of our 2nd mile, and a random action shot.

The costume actually did not piss off as many people as we expected, mostly because nobody could really understand it. They got the border part, but the fact that it was ostensibly being pulled by a Mall Security Guard and a Patriotic Viking failed to drive the racism properly home. Kolleen was generally nowhere near the border (as the current administration would prefer it), and her gaudy sombrero/poncho combination made her look less like an actual immigrant and more like a cheap trinket at a Tijuana gift shop. The most we offended anybody off was when I ran off into some houses to pee, and Gabe announced to everyone within 100 yards (so like 300 people) what I was doing.

Of course, the executed rendition of the costume was merely a watered-down version of some of the ideas that had been flying around that first night when we thought it up (as I mentioned, very drunk). In another much more offensive interpretation of the concept, a Mexican was to be chasing the following things:

1) The American Border
2) A Burrito
3) A Nap
4) A Bottle of Tequila
5) A Home Depot Store

They were to be confused, unsure which of these things to chase first. They were also to be carrying either

1) Several baby bundles
2) A weed-wacker

We eventually decided against this version, determining finally that we'd rather not burn in hell.

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