Outburst Birth Control - 1/20/06
First, OFFENSIVE! DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE ABORTION JOKES

OK, now that that's out of the way...

During the golf trip this weekend, an inevitable part of any Jury get-together eventually broke out: competitive board games. Actually, this bout wasn't as competitive as usual, as there were small children present. Nonetheless, board games broke out.

One such game was a rousing match of Outburst. For anyone not familiar with the game, it basically like home Family Feud - you get a category (like "Famous NBA Centers") and you have to name as many of the ten listed items (like "Bill Walton, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Shaqille O'neal, etc) as possible in a minute. And this time is wasn't the competition that was memorable - it was one particular card and the resulting conversation.

A card we pulled was labeled the following:

Methods of Birth Control

And the answers were the following:

1. Condom
2. Sponge
3. IUD
4. The pill
5. Vasectomy
6. Sterilization
7. Abstinence
8. Diaphragm
9. Rhythm Method
10. Homosexuality

One thing to know about Outburst - it can be a little subjective. The rhythm method? Haven't they ever heard the one about what do you call a couple who uses the rhythm method: Parents? And number 10? I mean, necrophilia doesn't produce children either, but I wouldn't call it a kind of birth control.

Anyway, this is where it got a little offensive. Mostly between me and Alex, whispering to each other between rounds and giggling like school boys, as we came up with our OWN top 10 list of birth control measures, ranging from things that discourage pregnany to methods to counteract one once it's begun. Did I say it was a little offensive? You've been warned.

Methods of Birth Control

1. Squeezing out some knuckle children
2. Being ugly
3. Turd burgling
4. Fatties
5. Farm animals
6. A swift kick to the stomach
7. Facial
8. A shaken-up bottle of Coke
9. Coat hanger
10. A firm push down a flight of stairs

So much for the small children around.

Permalink


Share!






I wrote a book!

My ridiculous quest to roadtrip to all 48 contiguous states in 48 days.
Support the Pond. Get it here!


Loading










previous month (12/2005)     current month (01/2006)     next month (02/2006)