Genius of the Month: First Names That Are Colors - 6/1/09
So Friday's post was just a warmup to today's post. When it comes to FIRST names that are also colors, things get a lot more interesting.

Kids can be named anything, if their parents are stupid and/or hippie enough. I knew a kid growing up whose name was Mister Bray. Sounds like a talking horse. Then there was Technicorn Capricorn, who I guess was Egyptian, though I didn't realize Egypt made a big local custom out of coming up with stupid-ass names. And finally there was Benson Benson, whom everyone called Benson-Squared, a nickname invented by Mister Bray, who was a huge math nerd.

Anyway, the point is that some restrictions are needed for this list, because every color I'm sure has some stupid kid, somewhere, named after it. I'm sure there's some retard boy son of two hippies someplace, running around named Puce.

To make the list, a name had to meet two requirements: - It had to rank in the top 1000 baby names for 2007 on the U.S. Social Security Administration's website (apparently the 2008 data hasn't been released yet, which is good because I'm not looking forward to seeing "Trig" and "Bristol" at the top of the list. - It had to be listed on the Wikipedia List of Colors. Wikipedia is the only source that can be trusted for this, because we all know Crayola has been making up ridiculous color names for years, trying to sell more crayons for their 1,024 set or whatever they're up to now. Inchworm and Jazzberry Jam, I'm looking at you here.

So all the entries are legit colors, and at least somewhat popular names (and interestingly, all female). Please don't be offended if your name is Topaz and it's not on here… I had to draw the line somewhere. Also, if your name is Topaz, you should probably kill yourself.

So here goes, see how well you can do on this very difficult quiz. My apologies go out in advance to Redd Foxx, Pink, Whitey Ford, my boy Blue, and Princess Peach from Mario Kart.

If you sucked at this, don't feel bad – I only got #4 and #6 without looking anything up. I was particularly surprised by #1, and I had no idea anybody named their kid #7 outside of a cartoon.

Some other names you might have expected to see on the list but did not:

CORAL – There was a girl named this on Real World Road Rules Challenge, but her name (though a color) didn't make the top 1,000. I guess she really was one-in-a-million, and not just for her prowess at always avoiding the Gauntlet.

EBONY is #960, but apparently not a color, though IVORY is, just not in the top 1000 names. I guess there won't be any more duets.

EMERALD was in 1000th place back in 2002, but apparently has slipped since then, and no longer makes the list. Esmeralda, for any kids stupidly inspired by the Disney Hunchback movie, doesn't count - spelling variations are not allowed, not even one letter, otherwise Red could easily become Reid, and Cyan could become Ryan.

MYRTLE – Yes, this is a color, and my grandma had a friend named Myrtle, who I'm pretty sure everyone at the nursing home made fun of by calling her "Myrtle the Turtle." I guess this was to make fun of Myrtle being slow, which was pretty accurate since she was in a wheelchair. Anyway I was pretty sure Myrtle was a name, or at least used to be, but apparently it's slipped into the status of one of those old-people names that has been made fun of to the point where everbody's too embarrassed to name their kid that anymore. Like Bertha, or Gaylord.



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