LA Bans Fast Food in South Central - 5/19/09
I originally wrote this for a video Sam and I were going to do, but we never got around to making it, and the time past. But, then again, Los Angeles always needs a good strong talking-to when it starts acting up, better late than never. And as far as I know, this bill is still in effect.

In case you haven't heard, the City of Los Angeles passed a bill on Tuesday banning any new fast food restaurants from being built in South Central LA. Yes, the city that gave us Scientology and Beverly Hills housewives has a new present for the world: No fast food for poor people. OK. Los Angeles, you win.

Critics of the bill claim that fast food restaurants offer more than just obesity, for example affordable food options and freedom of choice, not to mention jobs for, oh I don't know, poor people? But you know better than those people, don't you, Los Angeles. You win.

The purpose of this genius bill is to fight obesity, since clearly poor people won't drive out of South Central for fast food, buy unhealthy things at the grocery store, or, just maybe, go to one of the 300 already-existing McDonalds in the area. Or maybe your plan is to eventually wipe out ALL fast food in the ghetto, you know, besides the black-market cheeseburgers people will inevitably smuggle through underground tunnels from Tijuana. Or get from the taco trucks, which, strangely, are not banned.

But this is all fine, because the bill will attract new, healthier restaurants to the area, because obviously, the only thing keeping businesses from flocking to South Central was too many Burger Kings. I'm sure the poor people of Los Angeles will be there in droves for the grand opening of 'California Vegan' and 'Organic To Go'. Because there's nothing people in the ghetto like better than nine dollar tofu cakes

. You're already so far ahead LA, I almost hate to bring up the powerful message you're sending to the 99% black and Hispanic population living in the effected area: Bad minorites! No more White Castle for you until you start behaving! Nothing inspires people to rise up out of the ghetto like telling them they're not responsible enough to make their own food choices. And nothing makes poor people happier than being told to conform or go hungry. But no, it's cool Los Angeles, people in South Central aren't known to riot or anything.

So, in conclusion: Los Angeles. You win! And poor people: we don't want to have cheap sources of food. We don't want you to have jobs. We just want you to not be fat. Because that's how we roll here in LA. The city of winners.

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