Back in CA (after offending everyone in MN) - 8/28/06
After a week in Minneapolis filled with weddings (#4 and #5 of the summer), editing, and to be honest, a lot of sleeping, I'm back in California. For, wow, maybe even a whole month this time.

The week began with my high school friend Sarah's wedding, and ended with my high school friend Elizabeth's. Yes, I'm losing my girls one by one. Though I was certainly drunker at Sarah's wedding, I think managed to offend more people at Elizabeth's.

This wasn't really my fault. The folks at the table I was sitting were just especially sensitive. But you can judge for yourself: as we went around the table trying to start a discussion of different Elizabeth memories, nobody seemed willing to open. So I blurted out "Well, I can't start. The only stories I know about Elizabeth involve weed."

Misinterpreting someone's look of 'How could you say such a thing?' as a look of 'Please, tell us more,' I continued. "You know, like the time she smoked so much weed that she lost the ability to speak English. Except the phrase 'Macadamia Nut', which she kept repeating over and over again."

I wasn't really paying attention, but my friend Sean reported that the expressions of the other table members ranged from 'shocked' to 'appalled'. Except the expressions of Sean, my friend Genya, and my parents (also at the table), who thought it was funny. But apparently, if my goal was to make everyone else very uncomfortable, I succeeded.

Though I later amended my statement and confirmed that CD was not, indeed, a pot head - she'd just had one or two good times - I don't think what I said was that bad. First of all, c'mon, people, it's just weed! Lighten up a bit. It wasn't like these were the bride's grandparents, either - it was a bunch of other people our age. Old Indiana friends of the groom, I guess. Apparently from a much different background.

Second of all, for anyone who knows me, it could have been MUCH worse. On a scale of 1-to-offensive-things-I-talk-about, marijuana is like a two. They're lucky I didn't start telling dead baby jokes.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

See? Now THAT'S offensive. If I had said that, then they'd have a legitimate right to be mad at me.



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