Given all the weddings I've been to this summer, I figured I might as well rate them. In the spirit of the Emmy's, or something like that.
Of course, I'm not going to give the cliché rating like "Best Ceremony", or "Best Reception", or God forbid, "Best Overall Wedding," because nobody wants to read that, and honestly they were all good. Besides, I don't want to be killed by whoever of my girlfriends gets "Most Unhappy Groom".
So here we go, in no particular order:
Most Musically-Eclectic - Elizabeth's wedding. A live quartet during the ceremony, a live band during the reception, a hula dancer and two surprise guitar solos… it was like an American Idol Audition.
Most Efficient - Brian & Adrienne's. Sixteen minutes. And that's only because we came in right at 5 and made the procession wait an extra minute.
Best Desert - Samantha's. C'mon, it was Hershey, Pennsylvania. That's not a fair battle.
Wettest Reception - Sarah's. You gotta be doing something right if one guest can get twelve vodka tonics and four glasses of wine during a three hour reception.
Best After-Party - John's. Also the After-Party with the most cigars and male strippers.
See how each wedding got an award one? And how each award is politically-correct and complimentary? That's called padding your future wedding gifts. OK, now the real ones.
Drunkest Wedding Party - Brian & Adrienne's.
Wedding Party Most Likely To Get Arrested - John's.
Best-Tipped Bartenders and Pizza Delivery Guys - Sarah's.
Most Care-Packages Stolen From After-Reception Goodie Table - Samantha's.
Most Bride's Parents Fainting: Elizabeth's.
OK, no more weddings for a while.