I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. Below is a picture illustrating one of the greatest near-tragedies in recent South Bay history.
Near our house there’s a restaurant called Mama’s Pizza that has always served All-You-Can-Eat Beer and Pizza for 10 bucks. Yes, you read that right. All you can eat. Beer and pizza. 10 bucks. And it’s available all day, every day. I don’t mean to exaggerate, but this could very well be the greatest idea in the history of mankind.
Now this is great for anyone, but especially for me. In the Jury family, All-You-Can-Eat is not a bargain; it is a challenge. You sit down with a mission and you don’t get up until you are physically in pain. Give a deal like this to a person like that, someone with both the ambition to capitalize and the stomach to back it up, and, well, the wheels just come off. I’m praying that Beer and Pizza is still around the next time the Jury Brothers come to town… I swear to God we’ll eat the whole goddamn building.
The South Bay Crew and I have been enjoying Beer and Pizza for some time now. It is especially delightful now in the fall for televised football and playoff baseball games – you’d be amazed how much pizza and beer you can get through during a 4-hour Northwestern overtime victory. My record is 12 pieces of pizza and 8 beers, though I never go without eating at least a whole pie. And I always leave with the unique combination of feeling simultaneously gross yet glorious.
And then one day recently the police marched into Mama’s and announced that they could no longer advertise all-you-can-drink beer. Apparently it violated some statute and would encourage binge drinking, or irresponsible fun, or free thought or something.
This is just a travesty. First of all, I would think that the police would appreciate all you can eat beer and pizza. I swear I’ve seen them there on lunch break. Second, I always thought that beer encouraged binge drinking, not the affordable availalbe of beer. I hear they get drunk at the Hermosa Pier too, where beer costs four dollars a glass. Thirdly, how dare they. We finally get something good in life, and here comes The Man, sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. What’s next, a sting on Old Country Buffet? Apparently the pizza part is OK, but it’s not OK to drink as much as you want unless you pay for all fifteen beers separately, or you’re in your home, or at a Police Department picnic. What, they think people might get sick or unruly with all-you-can-drink beer? Obviously they’ve never seen someone raging and vomiting in the parking lot, all messed up on two cheese pizzas. Maybe “The Man” should be more concerned with the “All-You-Can-Drive-By” going on in South Central right now.
But Mama’s Pizza took it in stride like a champ. No more All-You-Can-Eat Beer and Pizza for ten bucks? Fine, how about All-You-Can-Eat Pizza for five bucks, plus dollar beers? This way you can still eat ten slices of pizza and five beers for ten dollars, or if you’re driving home afterwards you can eat fifteen slices of pizza and fewer beers and actually save money. And thus, the picture. As they say in my hood, “Take that, bitches.”
The Man may oppress, but the noble spirit always triumphs.