Johnny Green's Visit (part 1) - 10/2/04
T-MOBILE SUPPORT: (on phone) There's sand in your phone? But you didn't put it near water?
JOHNNY GREEN: Um... nope.
T-MOBILE SUPPORT: What happens when you turn it on?
JOHNNY GREEN: Um... all the lights blink and it vibrates a lot.
T-MOBILE SUPPORT: That sounds like water damage. It's not going to be covered under warranty.
JOHNNY GREEN: Um... fuck.

If there's anyone to have a fun weekend with in LA, it's Johnny Green. Johnny is an old college roommate, ever-since friend, and generally fascinating guy. Some of his exploits include getting lost down a sewer, nearly lighting himself on fire while fixing his car, and inventing a poker-playing robot (though this latter has not quite been completed yet.) He has made previous appearances on this site for his part in the great Vodkamping adventure during the Roatrip, and his subsequent trip home after our Chicago return.

It took about 30 minutes after his arrival for mischief to begin. We weren't even home yet from my picking him up at the airport, but Johnny wanted to see the ocean, so we grabbed two 40's each and went down to the beach. Several hours of catching up and drinking down followed, culminating with Johnny getting excited and running into the ocean with his cell phone in his pocket. It fried. I felt partly responsible - after all, I was the one who bought the 40's.

His cigarettes, also in his pocket, also fried. Or soaked. None of the smoke stores were open, so Johnny had no choice but to try and dry them off by putting them in our toaster. This mostly just made the toaster smell like nicotine and didn't really help the cigarettes much, except to shrink their filters and give them a nice, golden brown color. Johnny smoked them nonetheless.

In the morning we lead off a Westwood and surfing venture with a stop at the local tobacco store. Johnny had no credit cards and only 14 dollars with no access to more, but he bravely invested half of this in two packs of smokes.

JOHNNY GREEN: (smoking) Might as well stock up and have these last me... um... as long as these will last me. By the way this is much better than a toasted cigarette.

We followed this with a magnificent Beer/Pizza/Northwestern Football triumph, then connected up with Kolleen, Jeremy 2 (yes we've started numbering them) and Tiff for the first installment of the South Bay Shitty Tour. For anyone unfamiliar with this concept, basically we find four of the crappiest pubs we can around the Beach Cities area, sample the cheap drinks and foul odor of each, and judge which bar can truly be dubbed "the shittiest". Candidates for the first round included such establishments as "That Bar Next to the Dollar Store on 190th", and "That Place Next to the Arco on Aviation". In the long term I'd hoped to have several rounds of this, then pit the winners against each other in a sort of "South Bay Shitty Bar Tournament of Champions." Sadly, thought, this round turned out to be not so much of a "Tour," since we only went to one bar, and not so much "Shitty," since it turned out to be a pretty nice bar. But good times, nonetheless. Good times.



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