I just finished reading a romance novel. Three of the following are actual excerpts from said romance novel – the fourth is a fake excerpt I just made up. Guess which.
“She spoke haughtily, but her composure slipped when she suddenly noticed that his chambray shirt was every bit as wet as her own gown. It clung to the muscles of his arms and chest - and what powerful muscles they are, she thought in a gulp. Don't stare, she ordered herself, and with iron resolve dragged her gaze away from his powerful body and focused instead on his face. That dark, quiet handsome-as-hell face.”
“Her pulse quickened as he removed his shirt, revealing his rippling chest and brawny arms underneath. She felt her breathe give way as he tumbled down atop her in the hay, a writhing mass of passion. But still her heart held back, remembering the last words her mother had uttered to her on her deathbed.
‘Never fall in love with a cowboy.’”
“She had a luscious mouth, and a body that would tempt any mind but a blind preacher - yet she was nothing but a she-devil, he reminded himself.”
“A spark of heat, of pure fire, that has nothing to do with flannel shirts and everything to do with this heart-poundingly handsome man who always showed up when she needed him.”
The answer is B, although the phrase “Never fall in love with a cowboy” actually was used in the novel. As were the phrases “pulse quickened,” “rippling chest,” and “brawny arms”... but I digress. Hopefully otherwise it blended well.
Now, three of the following are true statements about why I would be reading a romance novel in the first place. The fourth is not.
- The comedy Sam and I are writing somehow involves a romance novel and I needed to brush up on my harlequin colloquialisms.
- I went and saw a musical by myself a few weekends ago when all my roommates were in Vegas and decided as long as I was taking a vacation from masculinity I might as well jump in with both feet.
- I think it’s hilarious when people are described as “rugged, steely-chested cowboys who set one's heart afire.”
- I’m gay.
Thankfully ladies, D) is the spurious choice. The other three are correct, though one might wonder how D) could be false if B) was true… But again I digress.