The Twelve Days of Guy Gifts - Part 1: Giant Stuff - 12/21/09
You know what? Let's get right to it. The following is part 1 of 4 of a dozen items every guy would love for the holidays, and no category better fits "cool shit that guys like" better than giant stuff. Like Giant Pandas, if my editor hadn't made me take that of the list because they're endangered, and PETA might bomb us again.


#1: Giant Mousetrap

What can you do with a giant mousetrap? Um... what CAN'T you do? Play a trick on a buddy. Defend your house from burglars. Catch an army guy with a Heineken, which is apparently what's happening in this picture. Or trap a giant mouse, if you happen to live in a post-apocalyptic, mutant-rodent-infested hell-zone.


#2: Giant Food Items
And no, I'm not talking king size regular food items, like the Snickers bars that cost a dollar or that hamburger that weighs three pounds that you win a medal for if you can eat it without barfing. I'm talking ridiculous, impractical, totally wasteful food items. Like this giant marshmallow. Or this giant chocolate igloo.

Put these together with a giant graham cracker and you've got yourself a giant s'more, possible the greatest food ever. Giant food items like these really define the motto of guys everywhere: "Why NOT do it?". And while you're doing it, why not bury yourself inside and try to eat your way out?


#3: A Dinosaur

Unfortunately, yes, I realize, dinosaurs are extinct (or else different dinosaur pets would just be all twelve items on this list). But at least someone could give you a giant dinosaur statue (assuming a giant dinosaur robot is not available, since they also don't exist, outside of the Dino-bots in Transformers, which I swear to God had better be in the third movie or I'm out of here). You can curl up on it and sleep. You can put it outside your house to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. You can just put it in your backyard and let is sit there, rocking out in its own awesomeness. Really, name me one place you could put a giant dinosaur statue that wouldn't be ten times better that way? And don't say church, because really think about that.

Tomorrow: Weapons!



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