How Paulspond.com Got Its Name - 3/23/04
So here we are. Paulspond.com. And here at last finally ends a difficult journey to pick and register an appropriate domain name. I blame the squatters.

A few years ago when it became apparent that this “internet” thing was going to catch on, several astute and money-mongering folks went ahead and bought up all the website domain names that could ever become useful to someone. News.com, sports.com, money.com… all these URLs were snatched up Oklahoma land-rush-style and squatted by these people, to be sold back to companies who wanted them for a heavy profit when the time came. Sam told me that by now every website name containing a single word in the English language has been purchased. I don’t know if I believe him – I don’t know why anyone would see the profit potential in “iconoclast.com”, but the point is made.

Of course this doesn’t directly affect me – after all, pauljury.com is not an actual word, unless you’re speaking some distorted dialect of Klingon. However, it turns out I am not the only person named Paul Jury. And not the only one interested in web design. It turns out pauljury.com was taken long ago by a hiker Paul Jury who lives in Washington. And it turns out he has it registered through 2008. Why this Paul Jury is so dedicated to maintaining a hiking website I don’t know. I blame the Sierra Club.

Not that I was totally committed to the clichéd and self-masturbatory practice of picking myownname.com for my new website. But this isn’t the first time my domain name buying has been thwarted – hugesmileinc.com was forced away from the simpler “hugesmile.com” by an Orthodontist in Hawaii. Who picks an orthodontist from a website? I blame the Hawaiian Dental Association? Clearly a pseudo-capitalistic humor site deserves the name more.

I must admit I had some awareness of the existence of other Paul Jurys. A few years ago I discovered two other namesakes searching on ICQ – a computer programmer in North Carolina and a 10-year-old Paul Jury in New Zealand I talked to on ICQ some time ago. I bet the Programmer Paul Jury is just as pissed at Hiker Paul Jury as I am. My guess is New Zealand Paul Jury is fairly neutral on the issue, at least until he gets a little older.

And so I decided on paulspond.com. I briefly considered pauljury.net, but .net is such a cop-out these days, a clear sign of someone who lacked the foresite to get in on the aforementioned domain-squatting effort. Maybe if they’d let me have something cool like pauljury.edu or pauljury.gov I would have done it. Anyhow paulspond.com is a good name – fitting for the site and less self-absorbed that the original idea would have been. And I guess I should just be thankful a Paul Jury with an aquarium-supply business didn’t get there first.


3/23/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paulspond@earthlink.net]
Sent: Sunday, March 23, 2004 10:13 AM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: YOUR WEBSITE

Dear Mr. Jury

Well I hate to start this email out on a negative note, but I’m afraid I have to accuse you of being a hypocrite.

My name is Paul Spond, an entrepreneur from Trenton, NJ, and nearly the proud owner of my own personalized website. Nearly, but not quite. Because when I went to register the site the other day, I had the rude shock of discovering that someone had already taken it. Yes, that’s right. You.

You can imagine my anger and disappointment – well at least I hope you can, seeing as you so bitterly complained about the very same thing happening to you just last week. Well two wrongs don’t make a right, Mr. Jury. Or maybe they do in your part of the country. Is that how you do math in Los Angeles, Mr. Jury?

Well where I’m from we do math with dollars and cents. I’m currently building a lively e-commerce trade on Ebay and was just about to spin-off my own website… oh but that’s right. Now I can’t. Maybe you didn’t think there was anyone out there named Paul Spond, but I got news for you, there is. In fact there’s another Paul Spond living in Arkansas who works at a genealogy library. There might be more. But you probably wouldn’t care about them, would you Mr. Jury? Maybe you'd like to be the one to tell them they can’t have their own marketing websites, because I sure don't.

So I hope you’re happy. Nobody’s gonna believe the credibility of paulspond.net, and you should know that they only give .edu addresses out to legitimate educational establishments. Or was that supposed to be some kind of un-funny joke? And by the way, I read your little “Roadtrip” thing – I’m not particularly fond of you referring to my home state as a ‘suckling fetus’ either.

Thanks a lot pal,

Paul Spond
>>>


3/25/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paulspond@earthlink.net]
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2004 8:02 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: RE: YOUR WEBSITE

Mr. Jury,

Perhaps I was bit too harsh with my first email. On second reading I realize I may have been caught up in the passion of the moment. I was just upset at not being able to register the site… it was something I’d looked forward to for a long time. I’m sure you understand the feeling. You probably didn’t know there was a Paul Spond out there, just as Hiker Paul Jury probably didn’t know there was another of his namesake. I wanted to apologize for being reactionary and possibly coming across as rude.

That being said, I have a proposition for you. I would still very much like to register paulspond.com, and I know that you would prefer to have pauljury.com. Therefore, I was wondering if you would be willing to give me paulspond if I could convince Hiker Paul Jury to give you his domain name. From what I can gather you are a more serious web aficionado than he is (his site isn’t very good and not even finished) – perhaps he would listen to reason and be willing to part with the site when he realizes all the trouble it’s caused. I’m sure he could be persuaded to move to a less mainstream domain name, like hikerpauljury.com or pauljury2.com or pauljury.gov, and then you could have the site until 2008. I might even be willing to pay for his site relocation. I’m sure he will be amenable to the idea - we are all adults here, after all.

Let me know what you think of this proposal. I know you didn’t respond to my first email – I don’t blame you, hopefully this will help make amends. I will email Hiker Paul Jury this afternoon after some of my Ebay auctions close. Again, apologies for the short temper.

Best regards,

Paul Spond
>>>


3/28/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:paulspond@earthlink.net]
Sent: Friday, March 28, 2004 11:42 AM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: RE: YOUR WEBSITE

Mr. Jury,

Hiker Paul Jury is being entirely unreasonable. I have written him several times now, and so far I can only describe his actions as stubborn and childish. At first he didn’t respond at all. Then he sent another email with nothing in it except the word “no”. Then, completely unprovoked, he sent me a most offensive email, saying we could only have his site, quote, “over his cold, dead body” and that if I kept emailing him we was going to “kick my ass into the web-ether.” As much as I might have been tempted then by the “cold, dead body” part, I kept a cool head and sent him a polite reply, which came back amended with another terse note, consisting of only two words. “Fuck off.”

Well, I have never heard of such utter cheek. I write to tell you this only so that you appreciate the lengths I am going to in order to get this site. Hiker Paul Jury is clearly an uncouth, unruly rogue who obviously derives pleasure from being an ass. I looked at his website a little more and discovered that he actually already has another site for him and his wife Lili! Why does he need two, especially when this one his so bare? Undoubtedly, he is doing this just to spite us. But I did not get to my current place in life by giving up so easily.

I have written to Programmer Paul Jury in North Carolina and 12-Year-Old Paul Jury in New Zealand in hopes of forming a coalition against Hiker Paul Jury. Perhaps having several of his namesake on our side will show him the error of his hardheadedness. Worst case we will have the edge in case this issue were ever to come to some kind of a vote. Programmer Paul Jury and New Zealand Paul Jury have not written back to me yet, but make no mistake Mr. Jury, I am confident this is a battle we can win.

Hang in there – I know I will be –

Paul Spond
>>>


3/29/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Spond, Paul [mailto:pauljury@pauljury.com]
Sent: Saturday, March 28, 2004 11:42 AM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: FWD: RE: A polite request

Well, Paul Jury, we meet at last. Yes, my name is Paul Jury too. Is it blowing your weak little mind?

Yes, this is Paul Xavier Jury, Spokane businessman and avid outdoorsman. Or perhaps I should refer to myself as Hiker Paul Jury, the baby’s-first-epitaph you and your moronic friend Paul Spond have stamped me with. Yes, I’ve been receiving a whole slew of emails from Spond over the past few days. I know all about what’s going on. I know about you and your site and your mindless ramblings. And I’ll give you the same answer I gave him. Go fuck yourself.

I did indeed know that there were other Paul Jurys out there who might want that domain name. But instead of whining about it, I went out two years ago and jumped on it. I’m proud to say I beat out that computer programmer, but who knew you would be the mouthiest one? That’s right I have it booked until 2008. In fact, now that you’ve opened your trap, I’ve gone ahead and renewed it until 2018. How do you like that?

Frankly, I can’t believe you’d be stupid enough to post Paul Spond’s emails on the web after receiving them. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Maybe you think you’re funny. Pauljury.gov? I’ve got a funny idea, maybe that’s what you could call that “coalition” of yours. What kind of a government organization are you going to make anyway, an alliance of web-slandering douche-bags? A whole army of Paul Jurys couldn’t pry my cold dead hands off that domain. And who do you think you are making fun of my site? You’re one to talk. Lily pads? You look like a homo trying to sell Monet paintings. And I’d be willing to bet your other money-making “site” hasn’t made a damn dime.

Now why don’t you go get a life and tell Paul Spond to stop emailing me.

Cheers, asshole.

Paul X. Jury
pauljury@pauljury.com
>>>


3/31/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Jury, Paul [mailto:pnjury59@explorer.nz]
Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2004 3:37 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Hello

My name is Paul Jury. I got to school in New Zealand. In the town of Aukesberg.

We talked on ICQ some years ago. Another Paul emailed me some days ago and it reminded me that we had talked. There are a lot of Pauls out there. New Zealand is a nice place, it is cold in the summer but in the winter we can go swimming. My father says its a good place to be when we try and take over Antartica in a few years. But what I really want more than anything is to come to America. I was wondering if you could send money so that I may fly on a plane. I could stay at your house and I could tell you more about New Zealand. I could live in America this way. Can you help me?

Thanks you very much. Even if you can not send the whole amount, even a little bit is nice. For the price of a cup of coffee you can help me be closer to my dream. I hope to ask the other Paul Jurys if they can also help me.

Thank you very much

Paul N. Jury
pnjury59@explorer.nz
>>>


4/3/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Makua, Dennis [mailto:drdennis@hugesmile.com]
Sent: Friday, April 3, 2004 2:09 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Website advice

Dear Sir,

My name is Dennis Makua; I run a dental/orthodontist clinic on Hawaii’s Maui island, in the town of LaHaina. I contact you regarding your website.

I was one of the first Orthodontists in America to start a website – in fact I was perhaps the very first on Maui. Those were the heydays. Sadly, business has lagged since then. It seems Hawaii’s recent retreat to older cultural values has reduced the emphasis on good dental care – in fact on hygiene in general. Hawaiians simply don’t care about their teeth anymore. It also seems suprising that many people are not inclined to pick an orthodontist clinic based on its internet presence.

Perhaps you can help me change this. I have looked at your other website, Hugesmileinc.com, and it seems you have found a way to make a lot of money in today’s struggling market. I was wondering if you would be interested in passing on some of that hard-earned wisdom.

Perhaps your experience does not extend into the realm of dental-internet. But anyone who makes the kind of money you do from a simple entertainment site must know something valuable. I would be willing to offer a free bracket adjustment and fluoride treatment if you would be willing to come to Hawaii.

Thank you for your time, and please let me know.

Dr. Dennis W. Makua

>>>


4/4/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Jury, Paul [mailto:paul_jury@ibm.net]
Sent: Saturday, April 4, 2004 1:59 AM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: to Paul Jury from Paul Jury

Paul Jury,

The subject says it all.

You have already written about me. It is I, “Computer Programmer Paul Jury”, as you have put it. From North Carolina. Indeed. Certainly you already know all this, as does a Mr. “Paul Spond” who wrote me last week regarding a certain web-problem he was having. The internet is well aware of your presence – out of curiosity I ran an experimental query on various engines for “Paul Jury” and your site came up with the name mentioned nearly 200 times. Infamy is ours!

I come straight to the point. Frankly, the concept of so many Paul Jury’s excites me. You see, I am interested in world conquest. As you might imagine this topic is not particularly possible with the “Over-Powers that be” – I have for some years been having trouble locating an appropriate and loyal group to enact this destiny. Now I believe I may have found it – for what bond more strongly ties a band of brethren warriors than a name in common?

We must raise and train this “Army of Paul Jurys” that Washington Paul Jury has proposed. He would perhaps make an aggressive general for such an army, and New Zealand Paul Jury will provide a strategic staging-ground for our ultimate invasion of Antarctica. And there must be others. This “Paul Spond” will likely prove a worthy nemesis to our group, but that is also something we need, to unify us and get us all riled up.

Can we use your house for a preliminary meeting, since you seem to be right in the middle of things? I realize you and Washington Paul Jury have fostered a rivalry in the past, but again I say that this ferocity will only strengthen the resolve and intensity of our mission. I will attempt to hack into the Southwest Airlines website and get us all free tickets to Redondo Beach, since funding is at this point is low. Failing that, as a worst case scenario we can all join a Halo 2 players group together and begin our training there.

For the Supremacy of Paul Jurys!
>>>


4/6/04

<<<
-----Original Message-----
From: Thompson, Paul D. [mailto:paulthompson178@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, April 6, 2004 12:11 PM
To: paul@paulspond.com
Subject: Hey

Mr. Jury,

Paul Thompson here… yep I bet you’re surprised to be getting an email for once from someone who only shares one name with you.

I’ve been reading the email exchange on your website… certainly the last thing I want to do is provoke more conflict. Obviously with a name like Paul Thompson I have no hope of registering my own name as a domain, but I’m familiar with the issue – in fact there’s a huge battle similar to yours that’s currently raging between ten or fifteen Paul Thompsons in America and Europe.

I run a small mom & pop aquarium store, and was just wondering if you’d keep me in mind if you ever decided to sell paulspond.com. That is of course if something happened to Paul Spond first – he seems to have a pretty strong hankering for it as well that I wouldn’t want to get in the way of. Or at least leave paulspond.net available. I don’t see what’s so bad about it. Right now I’m just trying to save up enough money to buy a site, and possibly some more to hire a cheap designer. Maybe I could hire you – I kinda like your new design, and that would be humorously appropriate, wouldn’t it?

And it’s none of my business, but you and the other Paul Jurys shouldn’t fight so much. I’ve seen what it can do to a group of namesakes. You should find little things to bond over, like that Hiker Paul Jury has a wife named Lily and your menu bar is made of Lily pads. Or that you all share the same obscure litigious name.

Best of luck with your army-building if you guys should decide to do that. Promise you’ll leave the Paul Thompsons alone – we’re mostly good guys. Also, if you wouldn’t mind could you leave iconoclast.com available? I have a friend who is a destroyer of images who is interested in the site.

Thanks!

Paul Thompson
Paulthompson178@yahoo.com
>>>


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