Last week I posted this picture, of the mattress and box spring we'd left outside our house for someone to take for free, and possibly leave us a small tip:
Two days later, this was the picture:
Notice anything missing?
That's right. The tip bucket.
Somebody took our tip bucket. Left the mattress, though. And a shopping cart, apparently.
This was supposed to be a sociology experiment. To see how conscientious the people of Los Angeles were, in terms of taking advantage of a good opportunity, following through, and properly appreciating it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, 3 being the highest... they get a -1.
If one of the scores of people who read our post had taken the perfectly good mattress and box spring, and left even a one-dollar tip, they would have gotten a 3. Even if they had left no tip, but took the stuff in a timely manner, I was ready to award a two (honestly expecting a tip in a left-outside bucket is like expecting kids on Halloween to "just take one"). But no. The stuff sat there for like three days, despite all the people who emailed me asking if it was still there (I told them it was). And then they took our goddamn tip bucket.
I don't care if it was a homeless person, or a neighborhood kid. I even would have been OK with it if they had taken the mattress AND the tip bucket, like they got carried away in their frenzy of taking. But no. They left the free mattress, which we really wanted to give away, and took the bucket, which we were planning on using again.
Whoever you are, out there, I hate you. If you're reading this, I'm going to plant more, un-advertised, non-free items laying around Los Angeles, just waiting for you to take them. And I'll be watching, ready to jump out and beat you down with a tire iron.
And I'm not going to let you keep the tire iron.
Stay tuned for 4th of July Beer Pong!