Watermelons - 8/18/06
As I stopped today at my neighborhood Ralph's Grocery Store to withdraw money from their ATM ($20 - Yes, my summer expenses have really gotten to me), I saw a comic spectacle that's not supposed to happen in real life.

A woman was looking at watermelons in a wooden cart that had been placed front of the store. There were probably about 50 watermelons in this huge cart, and as she tested one for ripeness, the cart broke and all the watermelons came tumbling out onto the curb, then into the parking lot, which was conveniently sloped slightly downhill away from the store.

I pulled my car past the front of the store just in time to see this happen -- just in time to see the woman's horrified expression as dozens of watermelons rolled away from her, gaining speed as the herd stormed the parking lot, a stampede of tumbling fruit.

Everyone nearby sprang into action, trying to scoop up watermelons as they rolled into cars, into shopping carts, into unsuspecting people's legs. But the average person can only scoop up about two watermelons. There were just too many of them. Watermelons hit speeds of 10, 15 miles per hour as they rolled into the busy street next to the store. Cars slammed on their breaks. And the woman just stood there, frozen and horrified.

I laughed hysterically as I drove away, watching the madness in my rearview window, not helping at all.

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