Choking Hazard - 6/7/07
I got a new computer, finally. The old one, having been on for roughly 98% of the four years I've owned it, had just become to curmudgeonly to work with. It wouldn't even respond anymore to my angrily shaking it and threatening to "skull-fuck its children".

So I got a new one, which came in this interesting plastic bag:


While I'm intrigued as to what good 1.5 mm of padding is going to do for a 4 pound computer shipped sans styrofoam in a cardboard box, what I like most is the warnimg label:


It's downright frightening. Like something from the Ikea Shop of Horrors catalogue.

I think I get the gist of what they're trying to say, but I feel like their meaning could have been made more clear by a caption. I can think of a couple:


If you somehow slip this plastic bag over your head and start to suffocate, make sure to choke yourself with your hand as well, to speed the process along.

If you somehow slip this plastic bag over your head and start to suffocate... it's probably better that you die. You're too stupid to own a computer anyway.

Should your head become stuck under the rectanguler seat of an airplane toilet, scream in terror.

If your head is a cafeteria tray, try to end your life as quickly as possible. You're just going to get made fun of.

This all reminds me strangely of the road sign game.

At least it's recycleable, although I'm not sure I've ever seen Recycling Code #7 before. Maybe it stands for "when you get done asphyxiating yourself with this bag, pass it along so someone else can try.

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