Yeah, you knew this was coming. I just needed an excuse.
My excuse came last a couple weeks ago, at my cabin in Minnesota, as I posed for a picture sporting my fantastic Viking-color Zubaís. About two seconds before the picture was taken, my friendís dog jumps right up on me and jams its paw into my nads.
Look, I know it was just a dog paw, but that sh*t made direct contact with one of my testicles. Those Zubaís donít offer much protection, fashionable though they are. My friend Rachelís face in the background really sells it.
Also, I feel I deserve to point out that this is maybe the worst picture of me ever. Iím not normally quite this ugly.
Anyway, Iím couldn't be the only person this had ever happened to (though mine might be the only one that was Dalmation-induced). So I did a little digging. The following is collection of pictures of people between .01 and 3 seconds after being smashed in the 'nads.
Let this be the only time I ever say this: God bless you, soccer.
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