Indy Fever Part 2 - Fairs - 8/23/07
I blew off steam from Saturday's very eventful wedding(s) with a visit to my buddy John and a trip with him and his wife to the Indiana State Fair. As a former patron of the Minnesota State Fair, I realized that all Midwestern state fairs are basically the same: lots of impressive farm stuff being shown off to city folk who have no idea how to appreciate it. Also, the universal state fair Motto: "What will we deep-fry this year?" This year's answer was Pepsi.

I swear, I thought I could hang in there when they started deep-frying chocolate things, but this has just left me way behind. I don't even understand how you can deep-fry Pepsi.

State Fairs are also wonderlands of people trying to sell you stuff you don't need. It's like a thousand-acre Skymall catalogue. Upon entering the fair we came across three separate hot tub tents, each showing at least 20 tubs. Who buys a hot tub at the state fair? Someone who also buys a flatbed truck to cart it home in? The guy at the "Softtub" tent assured me his hot tubs could be squashed down to a size that would fit in any trunk. I asked him if that was because they didn't have any seats; just an empty rubber tub with a motor attached to it, like a tall kiddie pool. He said that seats were a "gimmick". I wasn't convinced: I feel like seats are the third most basic element of a hot tub, behind "hot water" and "tub". Seats are gimmicks in a hot tub like wheels are gimmicks on a car. But I guess I wasn't a likely customer for him anyway: I didn't have room in my carry-on for a Softtub.

After laying waste to some nine-year-olds on the bumper cars (I was shocked at how malevolent I become smashing little kids with my car. I mean I was really getting a running start and thrusting forward with my whole body to get my full weight into it. I think I might have given one of them whiplash), he headed to the animal barns. I decided that I would be very bad at winning pigs in pig auctions, due to my inability to understand a single thing the auctioneer is saying. Also, I have no idea what makes a good pig. Some of them were selling for up to $1400 - others were going for $500. They all looked like pigs to me.

I also forgot how every state fair is difficult to leave because the two hundred yards around the perimeter are filled with tons of farm equipment for sale. Just get a load of this mammoth mother.

When I saw the price tag of only $37,000, I almost considered buying itů until I realized that $37,000 was just for the plow attachment on the front..

At least they're honest about what could happen to you if you're not careful using this machine.



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My ridiculous quest to roadtrip to all 48 contiguous states in 48 days.
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