Eat Your Way Out of Something - 7/6/07
The other night, I became passionately excited about a conversation I was having with someone about what gigantic food would be the most fun to eat one's way out of. I don't remember with whom I was having this conversation, probably because I was so excited. I also don't remember why I was so excited. Probably because I was drunk.

Anyhow, the following is a list of the three giant foods I think it'd be most fun to eat my way out of. For sake of ground-rules, let's just say that I have a snorkel or some other way to breathe, and that going to the bathroom isn't an issue, and that I don't have anywhere to be for a couple days.

- An 8 foot by 8 foot by 8 foot cube of Hershey's chocolate - Clearly chocolate is on the list.
- A gigantic pineapple - Delicious AND nutritious!
- A 12-foot-tall marshmallow - Not only would it be good to eat, but I think I'd also have fun jumping around inside the marshmallow, like a giant moon bounce. Provide someone didn't put us in a 50-foot microwave.

As long as we're on the topic, here's a list of the three giant foods I think it'd be LEAST fun to eat my way out of. The restriction it has to be an actual food, which is why a twenty foot block of pencil eraser is not on the list.

- A 10 foot diameter brussel sprout - Goes without saying.
- A hamburger patty the size of a Hummer - Now, I'm as big a fan of meat as the next warm-blooded American, but this would just be too much meat. It would get cold after a couple hours, and for the first few? Do I need to say it? The burning, oh the burning.
- A 9 foot wide eggplant - I fucking hate eggplant.



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