Ah, the Big Game. The one day per year when you use your Tivo to fast forward through the program to get to the commercials. And the day when corporations everywhere spend millions of dollars for ad companies to whip them up somethings special to show during their 30-second slide of heaven.
And yet... ads like these sometimes still get through.
#5 Sales Genie: Ramesh
Target: Indians (dot, not feather)Ah yes, who could forget last year's gem from Sales Genie about an Indian telemarketer who needs to raise leads to feed his starving family?
Actual dialogue:
Stereotypical White Boss: If you don't double your sales, you're out of here!
Stereotypical Indian Employee: But Hank, I have seven kids!
Stereotypical White Boss: Not my problem!
So maybe it's racist against short, Italian bosses too?
#4 Doritos: Black Date
Target: African AmericansCaveat: I actually think this commercial is pretty hilarious, but apparently some people found it racist.
Why? Perhaps because, according to the commercial, black people A) Are single parents B) Are interested in asses, and C) Get their points across through threats and violence? Oh, and they like junk food, I guess.
#3 Bud Light: Foreign Accents
Target: EveryoneI will say, if you're going to hit foreign stereotypes, you might as well hit all of them.
But it's OK, because Carlos Mencia is in it!
#2 Sales Genie: Pandas
Target: Asians; PandasOh yes, we wouldn't omit this one, Sales Genie's even more racist commercial from last year's game. Researching this post was tough, because the first 50 entries on Google for "Racist Superbowl Ads" all lead to this one.
Gotta hand it to Sales Genie, though - before February of last year, nobody had ever heard of them. And as GoDaddy once proved, you gotta go low to get high.
#1 Just For Feet: Kenyan Runner
Target: Just For Feet's StockholdersI don't remember this, but apparently it aired during the 1999 bowl...
Sometimes there's debate about whether or not an ad is racist. I'm having trouble coming up with arguments for this one...
"It's not racist because Africans DON'T have shoes."
"It's not racist because all Africans DO like running long distances. Barefoot. Through the desert. With no water."
"It's not racist because British-looking safari guys DO like hunting black people through the wilderness, then branding them with culture."
Um, yeah.
Runner up goes to Degree's "Mama's Boy" ad for it's awesome Jewish mother stereotypes.
|
Direct link to this entry |
|
 |
 |
 |
||
Things I'm Good At (by percentile rank) - 2/5/10
The other night over a game of beer pong, Sam, Jeremy, Noah and I got in a discussion over exactly how good we were at playing Dr. Mario, our latest passing productivity-killer in South Bay. Now, I'm a pretty good Dr. Mario player - it was one of my favorite Nintendo games growing up. And yet Sam and Jeremy, who've been playing more, are both able to beat me pretty much every time. Even though the games are ridiculously competitive - anyone who stepped in off the street would be completely smoked by any of the three of us - I'm clearly the bronze medalist of the group.
Which begged the question; exactly how good are we at this game, compared to the general population? Sam made the bold claim on his website that he was in the 99th-percentile of Dr. Mario playing ability in the world, a claim that was later challenged by several of his readers. But think about it: what percentage of the world has even ever played Dr. Mario for Nintendo? I mean, at least 15% of the world's population has never even seen a Nintendo. And of those who have, probably many have never played it, are too old for Dr. Mario, or prefer Tetris, Bubble Bros, or another of my personal favorites, Arkanoid. Honestly, probably only 10% of the world's population - at the most - has ever played Dr. Mario, and most of those probably aren't very good at it.
So it it really so audacious to suggest that Sam would be in the top 1-percentile? That's like saying I'm in the 99th percentile of living in Redondo Beach. Hell, even Noah, who sucks at Dr. Mario, is probably in the 99th percentile. Sam's probably in the 99.9th percentile, being the best of three players who firmly rule ass at Dr. Mario.
Of course, this isn't very fair. If I just picked a random person out of the population to play Dr. Mario against me, it'd probably be a tribesman from rural Zimbabwe who attacks the screen. In order to truly consider percentile rankings, it's better to take a smattering of all kinds of skills. I might not rank quite so well in, for example, navigating a rain forest, as I do in popping pills into bottles in esoteric video games.
Thus, the following list of important skills, and what percentile I think I would probably rank, compared to the world's general population.
| Untying a knot | 17% |
| Building a fire | 65% |
| Milking a cow or goat | 22% |
| Throwing a curve ball | 99% |
| Building a shed | 54% |
| Singing a folk song | 31% |
| Rocking a baby to sleep | 22% |
| Finding the integral of 4x3ex | 97% |
| Digging a well | 46% |
| Fixing a carburetor | 50% |
| Menstruating | 10% |
| Speaking French | 60% |
| Speaking Portuguese | 1% |
| Sailing a boat | 29% |
| Training a wild animal | 8% |
| Analyzing stock market trends | 90% |
| Growing corn | 14% |
| Owning a computer | 98% |
| Knitting a sweater | 12% |
| Playing soccer | 72% |
| Playing Dr. Mario for the original NES | 99% |
| Kicking a field goal | 86% |
| Applying eye shadow | 7% |
| Firing a gun | 52% |
| Dancing a waltz | 13% |
| Cooking a chicken | 21% |
| Eating cereal | 99% |
| Playing beerpong | 99% |
|
Direct link to this entry |
|
|
|
|
||
Alpacas - 2/3/10
Friend Vanessa and I found this advertisement the other day:
What!?
Income-earning, tax-deductible pets?
First of all, income-earning? How? What are you supposed to do with an alpaca that earns you income? Sell alpaca rides? Aren't alpacas like llamas? If so, I wouldn't pay more than fifty cents for an alpaca ride, no matter how much it loved me. The only thing I can think of to do with an alpaca is either eat it or sheer it for wool. And I don't think alpacas yield very good wool. Or meat, for that matter. Plus I think eating an alpaca kind of violates the whole "pet" thing. Maybe you're supposed to milk it, though I'm pretty sure I've never seen the "alpaca milk" department at Vons.
Second of all, tax-deductible? I don't know what kind of crazy tax laws they have down in Costa Mesa, but I'm pretty sure you can't get a tax deduction just for buying an alpaca. Unless you wrote it off as a business expense, in which case I can't imagine what kind of work you're in.
"Johnson, I have to ask you about your expense account records for the O'Reilly Account. Dinner at P.F. Chang's, three nights at the Ramada, and nine alpacas?"
"It's alright sir, we needed them for the presentation."
Maybe alpacas are like a new form of transportation, even more gas-efficient than the Toyota Prius. I suppose everyone switching to alpaca-back would be good for the environment, but this is NOT going to help traffic on the 405.
And finally, "the investment that loves you back?" Assuming you don't sheer it or eat it... I'm not even going to touch this one.
I blurred out the phone number, but I probably didn't need to: I'm sure Laurie and Eric would have appreciated the free advertising.
|
Direct link to this entry |
|
|
|
|
||
Enormous Slip N Slides: A Gallery - 2/1/10
Now, I�m not saying these are for sure the 10 biggest Slip �N Slides ever made... but they might be.
Roof Slide
This is what happens when you're young, industrious, and have WAY too much time on your hands.Long Way Down
Maybe not the most jump-laden, back-breaking, legal-liability-incurring ride on here, but you have to admit this is one big-ass slip 'n slide. I also like that it doesn't go anywhere in particular, except into the grass.Healthy Girl Wipeout
This one's on the list not so much for the slide, but for this rather robust girl's epic launch off of it. Damn you Break, for making me think this is funny.See this full post at Manolith.com!
|
Direct link to this entry |
|
|
|
|
||
YOU'VE GOT TO BE HERE TO ENJOY THIS! - 1/31/10
In my never-ending fascination with my cell phone, I made a new discovery the other day: within the text-messaging function my cell phone has a number of pre-programmed responses you can quickly access and insert into your text message. Most phones have something like this; some phones seem to be more business, with quick-texts like "In a meeting," and "Did you get the memo?" Other phones have a more personal touch, like "Lunch later?" and "I love you." And then, of course, there are the universally useful "What are you doing?" and "Running late - will be there in ___ minutes."
My phone has its own take on things. It includes a few of the basics, like "Thanks" and "What's up?" but then strays into a whole new world of things I'm pretty sure I'd never text anybody. Things like "You've got to be here to enjoy this!" "You're the best!" and "Would you like to join me for a date tonight?"
Does anybody actually text like that? It's like they hacked into a pocket guide to conversational English, except they then ruin it by including "Watcha doing?" I think my personal favorite is the somewhat steamy "If you told me to come over, I would."
Sadly, this is the one quick-text I think I've actually used.
You're the best, phone. Would you like to join me for a date tonight?
|
Direct link to this entry |
|
|
|
|
||
